that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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