I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
