; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
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I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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