I'm jealous of your bromance
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
