ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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