so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize