...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
