yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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