Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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