my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
