so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The uberlube is also flammable
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
