I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
