No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
