i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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