would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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