know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
