If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The Olympian is in my bed
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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