But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
