What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
