my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
