If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
