I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
