so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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