youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
