Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
