All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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