You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
