Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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