I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize