Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
