i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
