RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
