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Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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