I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Randomize
