this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
