mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
