how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
