two words: eviction party
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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