i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
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we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
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Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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