did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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