oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
