this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
