I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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