Fine. I'll sleep in my office
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize