sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
