Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
