woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
