hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
