I wanna bring you to show and tell
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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