So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
