Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize