Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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