Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
