In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
