Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
