yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
