go do what you do best...puke behind churches
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
