Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..