I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...