My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.