Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.

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(313): View more from Michigan

I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.

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(305): View more from Florida

She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.

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(415): View more from California

I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(804): View more from Virginia

IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT

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(360): View more from Washington

I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.

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(716): View more from New York

I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.

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(626): View more from California

I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.

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