my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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