I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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