how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize