youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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