everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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