I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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