Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
