He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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