They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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