She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
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I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
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Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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