You're a womanizer and a bitch.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
